


surfacing

by meggiewrites



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also, Fluff, Lifeguard Mats, M/M, Minor Injuries, Strangers to Lovers, Swimming Pools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 14:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20967998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/pseuds/meggiewrites
Summary: From the second he can feel it give in beneath him as he takes a wrong step on the sidewalk next to his home as he’s walking his dog Benni knows his ankle will be pretty much unusable for the better part of the month at least. During recovery, he decides to visit the local pool, and it turns out to be the best decision he's ever made.Or, there's many fish in the sea, but there's only one you.





	surfacing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maxverstappens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxverstappens/gifts).

> This is a quite belated birthday fic for my bubba, for Martha!! You've read this one already, but today is a special day, so I know I had to post it today. It's a bit late, I admit, but I hope you won't mind. Love you so so much ❤️💙💙❤️
> 
> (as usual, don't hold me accountable for askew medical terms and conditions ... I'm just a fic writer having fun)

From the second he can feel it give in beneath him as he takes a wrong step on the sidewalk next to his home as he’s walking his dog – a small, excited corgi named Maple – Benni knows his ankle will be pretty much unusable for the better part of the month at least.

The pain only registers a few seconds later, and Benni grits his teeth as he crouches down to grip it – of course, that doesn’t help, and he only flinches when his touch already hurts, and really, he should know better. It’s not his first run in with a sprained ankle, and his physio would probably yell at him for the way he walks back to his house putting full pressure on it – but honestly when he flops down on his couch, Maple nuzzling her snout against his side, he doesn’t even care.

Of course, inevitably, when Lisa comes home from her shift two hours later, she bullies him into having it checked. Her eyebrows are drawn tightly together, and she has her hands on her hips, glaring at him.

“You know I’m not keen on returning to the hospital after my shift, but if you try to pull the shit you did last time, Benedikt Höwedes, both me and your physio _ will _ kill you!”

– and with that, she means that when this happened the first he didn’t tell anyone, just put ice on it, and let it heal like that. He’s still dealing with the consequences to this day. Including, as it turns out, the heightened risk of twisting it again. This is the third time, and the pain is still just as much of a bitch as it was a year ago. (But back then, he had been in the final year of his studies, and next to exams, papers and finishing off his degree, he really didn’t have time to go see a doctor, Lisa. Which yes, probably didn’t make much sense to her, seeing as she was studying to be a nurse and definitely thought otherwise.)

So, they end up in the doctor’s office again, who, upon giving him a regretful smile, must probably remember Benni from the last iteration – and well, he just resigns himself to a month of suffering and partially hindered mobility for yet another four to six weeks. Maybe more, considering how swollen his ankle is looking. Ugh.

Lisa compassionately pats his back when they hobble out of the clinic again, clearly pleased, but Benni knows this is gonna be, for lack of a better word, hell.

The worst part, he’s found, is that he’s probably much kept from doing any working out until his stupid ankle is healed. It drives him up the walls. His job as an architect is quite high-tension most of the time, and most days he’s stuck in an office chair, hunched over his computer or a drawing tablet. He needs the gym, needs to be able to go for a run or just his daily walks with Maple as a balance, or else, he tends to get so tense and stressed that he isn’t able to calm his mind anymore, not even on weekends, and then it will keep him from sleeping well, and so on and so forth.

Yep, it’s a pain in the butt. And not the fun kind, too, he notes bitterly as he gets up the next morning, as he’s still as painfully single as he’s been for the past five years, ever since him and Lisa decided that while they share a deep, unbreakable connection, it’s more of a platonic rather than a romantic one.

The fact that she’s still his best friend and his roommate is probably the only thing keeping him somewhat sane over the next week.

Except that she must not think so, as exactly seven days after his accident, on a Saturday morning, with Benni cooling his ankle, scratching Maple’s head and Lisa reading the newspaper on the other side of the table, she suddenly puts it down, taxing him with a Look.

“You need to find something to do.”

Benni frowns. “I’m doing plenty.”

Lisa raises her eyebrows. “You’ve been sitting on the couch watching TV every evening. You’ve been literally sitting here since the moment you got up. And I can hear you huffing and groaning from over there – don’t say it! You need to find a way to release some energy.”

Benni knows this. And he also knows that _ Lisa _ knows this. But there really isn’t much you can do with a twisted ankle, is there. (Especially when he’s not a big fan of simply lifting weights.)

Lisa looks contemplative.

“How about the pool?”

The pool? “It’s October. It really is too cold to go swimming outside, Li.”

She rolls her eyes. “I meant an indoor pool, dumbass. Go for a swim! You could just work on your strokes and take things easy on your legs – and it’s way more fun than just sitting in the same spot of the gym for over an hour.”

There’s a smile on her lips, and Benni can feel himself reciprocating it. They both know she’s already won.“Try it.”

He hasn’t been to an indoor pool since he was a teenager and they went with school a couple times. He knows how to swim, of course, but he’s never had formal lessons, so he does feel a bit uncomfortable when he walks through the door to the changing rooms with a towel under his arms, watching out over the big hall with the at least ten meter high ceiling, a giant pool filled with glistering water waiting for him at the end of the staircase.

It’s not one people and families with kids use for recreational fun time, that becomes clear pretty quickly. The entire pool itself is divided in five separate lanes of different width, where people are swimming in different styles and speeds. It’s a little intimidating, but Benni takes a deep breath and walks – hobbles – downstairs.

He’s done his research. He’s watched video after video on youtube the night before, and knows that he should use something called a pull buoy to put between his legs to practice his strokes – which will allow him to work on his arms, upper body strength and body tension and should give him a good exercise in the process,

But knowing what you are supposed to do and actually doing it are two different pairs of shoes.

The water is colder than expected, and a shiver runs down Benni’s spine as he dips his toes into it. He makes a mental note to take a cold shower instead of a hot one instead next time, steels himself, and wades into the water.

After getting used to the temperature, it’s … quite pleasant, actually. Immediately, it has a calming effect on him, even when some people send him dirty glares as he is blocking the staircase that leads out of the pool, and he closes his eyes only for a short moment.

It’s noisy in the pool, both the splashes of the water as well as the voices of the few people that are talking either by the side of the pool or on the big bench that’s bit into the wall, underneath the big windows that runs all around the room – it all resonates off the high ceilings, and creates an atmospheric noise that’s quite loud but surprisingly not unpleasant at all. It’s a noise you can drown in, and somehow, Benni finds himself relaxing in a way he hasn’t been able to ever since he twisted his ankle.

But, of course, he hasn’t even started his workout yet.

Getting the buoy perched between his legs isn’t as easy as he hoped it would be. The pool provides them, luckily, in a big plastic cart leant against the side next to the staircase, together with kickboards, for which Benni is grateful. Nevertheless, he doesn’t appreciate the way he’s probably making a fool out of himself as he gets ready, feeling almost relieved when he finally takes the first stroke.

It feels amazing.

Sure, he might not know exactly what he’s doing, but being in the water, moving, giving his body some much needed movement after being static for way too long – it’s perfect.

But okay, he’s extremely slow.

He’s man enough to admit it – already in the first length, he gets overtaken by three people, and that’s swimming in the ‘slowest’ lane of all five. His strokes aren’t as fluid and elegant as he wishes they were, and despite not being a lazy bum whenever he’s not hindered by his foot, he feels a bit out of breath when he reaches the other side of the pool.

Nevertheless, he pulls through.

After the first four lengths it gets easier, and satisfied, Benni notes that he’s able to increase his tempo. And after half an hour of doing twenty lengths – an entire kilometer – he feels happy, relaxed and accomplished.

It’s only when he walks out of the pool, the water dripping down his legs, wincing when his ankle makes itself known yet again, that he notices the lifeguard in the far right corner, on the other side of the pool, giving him a curious look. He quickly turns his head away when Benni looks in his direction, so he doesn’t catch much except for a dark mop of hair and – Benni turns up his nose – his black and yellow work uniform, so Benni just shakes his head and makes his way up to the changing room.

It’s probably nothing.

Except, the next time Benni goes to visit the pool – only three days later, he quickly finds that after how rejuvenated he felt last time, he couldn’t stay away – he spots the same lifeguard again. He’s casually leaning against the railing of the stairs as Benni walks down to the ground level from the changing rooms, in a boisterous conversation with one of his colleagues, a lanky brunet with an all-too-wide smile, so at first, he doesn’t notice Benni, and Benni has enough time to take in his features.

And boy, quite something they are.

The first thing Benni notices about the man is that he’s extremely handsome. Tall, with dark curls, facial hair that wouldn’t look out of place on a period drama, a wholesome smile and a deep, warm, smooth voice.

Benni would be lying if he claimed he wasn’t immediately charmed.

Of course, he doesn’t actually say that out loud – instead, he just eyes the lifeguard with growing curiousity as he makes his way downstairs, quickly looking ahead, facing the pool instead, when the man in question lifts his head, catching him staring. 

(That way, he misses the way the other’s cheeks get tinted pink in that moment, too.)

They don’t exchange a word as Benni walks past him, except, when he’s already put down his towel on the side, looking back over his shoulder, he finds the lifeguard grinning bashfully – but he doesn’t turn his eyes away.

And that’s that.

As for Benni’s workout, it still is as wonderfully draining in all the best ways at the first time. He still hasn’t got quite the grasp of the pull buoy – or rather, his legs don’t – but the atmosphere feels as relaxing and calming as last time, allows his thoughts to float, for his strained mind to take a step back from his daily life, his job, his non-existent love life.

After a kilometer, he’s determined to do a few more lengths, but his lungs are burning and he pulls himself up at the edge of the pool, crossing his arms on it, still breathing heavily as he considers going slower next time – when a pair of feet in black flip-flops come to stand in front of him.

Benni tilts his head up.

The handsome lifeguard is still grinning, although Benni is almost sure he can spot some insecurity in his dark eyes, too.

“This is your first time doing this, isn’t it?” he says, and Benni, for a second, is puzzled.

Then, he clears his throat. “Yeah. Well, second. I was here on Sunday, too.”

“I know!” Immediately after blurting it out, the lifeguard’s cheeks grow pink, which Benni has to admit, is almost adorable, which is maybe an odd word to describe someone who could have easily graced the cover of GQ magazine, but in that moment, it’s true.

The lifeguard coughs into his hand, looking everywhere but at Benni. “Sorry.”

Slowly, a grin starts to tug at Benni’s lips. “It’s alright. Guess I must have made quite the impression as I made a fool out of myself, anyway. I’m sure I was the most interesting guest you had that day.”

The lifeguard lets out a short cackle, shaking his head with a delightful smile. “Hardly. There was this gaggle of Chinese tourists later … I’m pretty sure they thought this was a leisure pool? And when I tried to talk to them in English, I was pretty sure they had no idea what I was saying. After ten minutes, people started leaving the lane cause they were blocking it. Of course they left, as soon as they realized what I was trying to explain, but you can’t really beat that.”

Benni chuckles. “Must have been quite the event, huh?”

Somehow, the lifeguard’s soft smile is even more beautiful than his grin.

Jesus.

Benni quickly shakes his head, as if to get rid of those annoying thoughts. Have they really just been flirting? What the heck, he doesn’t even know this man’s name – but before he can ask, the guy takes a step back, making his way back to the side of the pool, but not before gifting him one last of those breathtaking smiles.

Yep, Benni is officially screwed.

“You did what?” Lisa is looking at him exasperatedly, which seems to have become a recurring thing. The wind is messing up her short hair, blowing it into her face. She pushes it back behind her ears with an assertive hand.

On the other side of the table, Benni’s other best friend snorts as he sits there bundled up in a warm denim coat lined with fluffy, white fake fur and a scarf, poking around in his breakfast bowl. He has his head bowed, but Benni can see him amusedly raising his eyebrows nevertheless. 

Benni doesn’t really find it in him to spare him much of his attention, so he groans, burying his face in his hands.

“You two really aren't helping, you know?”

Lisa waves him off. “Shush. Now, what did you say to him?”

“I already told you. I didn’t really say anything of importance. But we flirted, I’m pretty sure.”

“_Pretty _ sure?”

Benni shrugs. “I don’t even know if he's actually interested me,” – he lowers his voice as the waitress of the cafe they’re eating at walks past them, serving some ice cream to a family shivering in the corner – “we only talked once.”

Another snort comes from Manu. He’s grinning, now, too. “Oh, it sounds like you were flirting, alright. Trust me.”

Benni just barely holds back from remarking that he’s not about to take dating advice from someone who has been single for all the seven years he’s known him. As it is, he knows to bite his tongue, since he knows dating is one of the things Manu feels most vulnerable about.

Instead, he just sighs, but there's something blossoming in his heart, a little spark fuelled by the gleam of mischievous dark eyes, by Manu’s sure-of-himself grin and Lisa’s supportive hand on his arm.

“I don't even know his name.”

Lisa pats his back. “Then you better find out next time, champ.”

Next time, as it turns out, is over a week later, and Benni’s handsome lifeguard is nowhere to be seen. Instead, there’s his lanky colleague, who eyes him curiously as he comes down, but clearly dismisses him as one of many semi-regulars the pool probably gets a lot.

Benni frowns. For a moment, he wants to ask him about his, Benni’s lifeguard, but then he thinks better of it. It’s a bit ridiculous, in the end. The guy was probably just being nice, and simply took the opportunity of the chance for a short conversation on a job that must be, on any regular day, incredibly boring.

So, he squares his shoulders, a smile taking over his face as he enters the pool. Already, it feels a bit like coming home, and the water welcomes him with a slightly too cool temperature that is familiar by now. He shivers, but it’s not uncomfortable anymore, and now, when he’s already able to use his ankle again to a certain degree, he doesn’t even have to bother with the pull buoy for more than half his workout. 

His tempo has definitely increased, too, even if he’s not fast enough for the other lanes yet, he’s starting to notice the way the other swimmers in this one block his lane. One of them is swimming on his back, all four limbs extended outwards in the widest possible angle, splashing like a capsized turtle. Two women are chattering as they barely make any progress on their way to the other side, and eventually, Benni turns his head, checks the other side, and finds the narrower neighbouring lane almost empty–

It feels good, knowing that determination and a lot of youtube research means that he can already hold up his own in one of the more advanced swimmer’s lanes. Sure, there’s only one other woman in there with him, and they are far enough apart to go out each other’s way, but even if Benni notices her catching up to him more and more, he doesn’t let it bother him.

It’s only when he comes to the surface again after the last stroke of his last length, giving her a polite smile that she returns before he lifts his head, that he spots a familiar figure leaning by the side of the pull, eyes clearly following Benni. The lifeguard seems apprehensive, but he offers a smile when Benni gives him one, too, and his eyes don’t look away when Benni steps out of the water, pulling off his goggles before walking over to him, grabbing his Schalke-blue towel that is placed on the bench right next to the lifeguard.

“Hey,” he says, and immediately feels a bit stupid, cause he has no idea what to say next – but luckily, the lifeguard takes that decision off his shoulder.

“Hi! Knew I’d recognize these shorts everywhere. Even if the colour is quite unfortunate.”

Benni frowns. “What’s wrong with royal blue?”

The lifeguard snorts. “What’s _ not _ wrong with it, you mean? I can barely stand to look at it, really.”

And well, Benni might not be as steadfast in his fan believes as Manu, for example, is, but well, he’s still offended on his club’s behalf.

“Well, we can’t all walk about like half-assed bumblebees, now, can we.” And while it should probably sound annoyed, which was Benni had assumed he was feeling, it comes out lightly teasing instead. The lifeguard blushes, but he’s frowning anyway.

“Black and yellow are the _ best _ colours. And I mean, who else can claim that they can wear their favourite colours to work?” His eyes twinkle, and it’s only then that Benni puts two and two together.

He groans. “You’re a Dortmund supporter, aren’t you.” He earns another smirk in reply.

“Yep. And let me guess – Schalker?”

Benni doesn’t even have to nod to confirm it. A few feet to the right of his lifeguard, someone snorts. Apparently, the guy’s colleague had been listening in on their entire conversation. When he finds both men turning to look at him, he just shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs, still grinning.

“Just wondering why I ever deemed it a good idea to move up here. You people are fricking weird.” Then, with an unapologetic grin, he turns around on his heel and walks away.

Benni’s lifeguard shakes his head with a fond smile. “Don’t mind Mull. He’s Bavarian. As you could probably tell by the accent. They just don’t know what it means to truly live and die for your club, those Bayern fans.”

Benni snorts. “You’re right about that.”

The pause that develops after they’ve shared a chuckle is rather awkward. Especially ‘cause somehow they are completely unable to take their eyes off each other. 

Eventually, Benni clears his throat.

“Don’t you have to work?”

The lifeguard only shrugs. “Providing the guests with a pleasant swimming experience _ is _ part of my job, you know? That includes talking to them.” And then, he winks. Benni’s knees instantly start to feel like jelly and–

Oh lord, this is actually happening. He can feel his cheeks growing hot, and he desperately rummages his mind for something fitting to say – but he only comes up blank. Except then, his mouth moves almost on its own.

“Benedikt.”

The lifeguard tilts his head.

"My name is Benedikt. Benni or Bene for my friends.”

Slowly, the lifeguard starts to smile again. “So can I call you Benni, then?” When Benni nods, it grows wider. “Nice to meet you, Benni. I’m Mats. My friends call me Mats, too.”

Benni can’t help it, he has to snort. The lifeguard – Mats – giggles delightfully. It’s a lovely sound, deep and warm, and Benni just barely resist reaching out, brushing their hands together. But then, something catches Mats’ eye at the other corner of the room. He perks up, and as Benni turns around, he spots two teenage boys shoving each other. Next to him, Mats winces. He shoots Benni an apologetic glance.

“I’m sorry, I have to–”

Benni sends him a smile. “Go. After all, it’s your job, right?”

Another crooked grin. “Guess so. And there will always be next time, right? I’ll see you soon, Benni.”

And before Benni has time to nod, he’s rushed off to solve the argument before it breaks out into a full-blown fight. But there’s a promise there, and there’s a little flame lit for the two of them. There’s hope–

And Benni can’t wait for next time, either.

The look on Manu’s face when Benni tells him the news makes him regret that he wasn’t recording the entire thing.

“_Eine Zecke? _ Forreal?! … oh my god, Benni, I hope you killed all his hopes immediately.”

Benni rolls his eyes. _ Of course _ Manu would be dramatic about this. “His name is Mats, and he’s actually a really alright guy, okay?” On top of being ridiculously handsome, he adds mentally. 

Manu only huffs. To him, no one that supports Dortmund could ever be worth pursuing – okay, maybe up to yesterday, Benni would have agreed. But Mats is different.

“You haven’t met him.”

Manu rolls his eyes. “No, I haven’t. And I definitely don’t want to, thank you very much.”

Benni is ready to pull his hair out – because that is exactly what he needs his best friend to do.

He’d already tried Lisa, but she’d only offered him a tired smile. “I am a nurse at the city’s biggest hospital, Benni. I run around almost every minute at my job – honestly, when I finally catch a break, I just need to sit down for once. Also,” she’d smirked knowingly, “you’re a smart guy. You can do this on your own. If you think he’s interested, he probably is. And I mean, honestly … you’re one of the kindest, most amazing men I know. He would be a fool not to be.”

Which, okay, those words had cheered him up quite a bit, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous to meet Mats again, and really would have liked a wingwoman. Or, as that apparently wasn’t an option, a wingman. But now Manu is being stubborn too – which, in all honesty, Benni should have expected as soon as he mentioned Mats’ football club allegiance alongside his name – and it seems like he will have to go back to the pool, facing the man he’s now finally ready to call his crush, all on his own, once again. But he isn’t giving up just yet.

“Manu. Please?”

When they’ve first met, back in high school, Manu had been two years above Benni. They’d been introduced to each other because Benni had needed some tutoring in math, and Manu was one of his year’s best in that subject. At first, he’d been really awkward around Benni, tentative to start what should be one of the deepest friendships both of them ever had; but then, Benni had discovered how much of a pushover his friend actually was. The puppy eyes still work to this day. 

“Pretty please? I’ll even pay you the entrance fee – you’ll get a free workout out of it!”

For a few seconds longer, Manu holds Benni’s stare, but then he lets out a sigh, shrugs, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Fine,” he grumbles, and Benni mentally fistpumps. “I’ll take a look at that Dortmunder of yours. Even if what you’re doing is treason, you know that, right?”

Benni grins. Yep, he’s won.

It’s Wednesday when they come to the pool, one of the days of the week that, Benni has noticed, he’s always spotted Mats somewhere. They haven’t been able to exchange many words ever since they’d first introduced themselves, Mats usually busy or Benni in a hurry to return back to his office after his break, but Benni is hopeful.

Manu shivers once they first step into the water, looking like he’s five seconds away from complaining about the temperature before remembering that Manuel Neuer doesn’t whine, and just pulls a face instead. He looks like someone kidnapped his dog, and Benni almost snickers at the regretful expression on his best friend’s face.

By now, he doesn’t need the pull buoy anymore. In fact, his ankle is almost completely healed by now, as his doctor and Lisa had confirmed, but yet, he finds that he’s unwilling to give his swimming routine up, and who knows; as he tilts his head to the side after a few lengths, to his surprise he finds Manu smiling, taking to the water much quicker than he did in the beginning, swimming in regular, fluid strokes – maybe he will even have a swimming partner in the future.

“Where did you learn _ that_, Neuer?!” he asks incredulously, and Manu does his best impression of a submerged shrug. (It comes out looking extremely awkward.)

“Took some lessons when I was a kid. My parents tried everything before I finally settled on tennis. Haven’t done it for a while, but I guess it’s like riding a bicycle.”

He ducks his head, and Benni considers himself impressed, and maybe even a little bit jealous – but all of that dissipates when they finally reach the end of the lane after a short race (that annoyingly, Manu won – which yeah, seems fair enough considering the man has biceps the size of melons) and there’s a grinning Mats standing in front of it, crouching down when he realizes that Benni has spotted him so that they’re almost eye-to-eye.

“Hi there,” he grins, and Benni, of course, can’t help but smile back. “Who’s your angry chaperone?”

Turning his head, Benni, of course, finds Manu glaring at the lifeguard, and he heaves a deep sigh.

“That’s Manu. He’s a Schalke fan.” Mats lifts an eyebrow. Manu scowls. “And also my best friend,” Benni hurries to add.

Mats chuckles. Manu doesn’t say anything, and only glares harder, even if the fact that he’s chewing on his bottom lip is a tell-tale sign that he might be reconsidering his early judgement. That maybe he has had a change of heart when he notices the way he’s fondly gazing as Benni, or his soft smile, or that he doesn’t have, in fact, a BVB logo stitched to his fittingly-coloured work uniform.

“He doesn’t seem to like me much,” Mats says, lifting one immaculately maintained eyebrow. Benni wonders if they’re like that naturally or if he gets them done. Mats’ smile is contagious, so he pushes himself up to the edge of the pool, getting up, rubbing his hands on his thighs to get rid of some of the droplets – unsuccessfully, off course.

“Don’t mind him, he’s–”

“Odd? Seems like that was pretty close to the way you described me to him the other day, Matsi,” someone interrupts. Mats’ lanky colleague is grinning widely, unapologetically, as usual, and Benni finds it endearing, the way his sudden appearance makes Mats roll his eyes to the heavens and back.

“Shut up, Mull. Don’t you see I’m busy?”

The other lifeguard lifts his almost invisible eyebrows. “Oh, I see it, but I also see you two nerds blocking the lane. Theo over there is already giving us angry glares – our boss,” he explains when Benni looks at him questioningly. “So shooo, lovebirds, go hold your courting rituals somewhere else, yeah?”

Both Mats and Benni blush furiously, and Benni tightens his fists around the hem of swimming trunks, extremely embarrassed that the first time him and Mats have to acknowledge whatever this is between them, it wasn’t done by them, but by Mats’ annoying coworker.

The guy’s grin only widens though, and when Manu, still in the water, snorts at his best friend and his best friend’s crush’s dilemma, the other lifeguard throws him a wink that, curiously, as Benni notes, causes Manu’s cheeks to flush crimson, too.

He almost startles when suddenly, there’s a hand on his elbow, and Mats nods his head over to the side of the pool, where a few other people are standing and talking, too, gently guiding Benni in that direction. He looks a bit flustered after having been called out like that, and it’s adorable, the way it makes him look way shier than the quite straight-forward person Benni has gotten him to know to be. Mats has his hands in the pockets of his shorts, and his flip-flops drag against the white tiles of the floor. For once, he isn’t looking at Benni, and his cheeks still bear that little dusting of pink.

“So, what do you do? When you aren’t here, of course,” he asks, and it’s a clumsy question, like one you would ask on a first date, and it makes Benni’s fingers tingle.

“Um I’m, I’m an architect. It’s not a big deal,” he says, scratching his head when he finds Mats gaping at him, “my father knew a guy who owes a company, so I was able to get a job straight out of uni, but I’m still employed, and all, working for other people.”

Mats shrugs. “Well, still. Better than ending up with a useless journalism degree and just ending up working at a pool, right?” There’s a hint of bitterness in his tone, but he says it with a smile that seems genuine, telling Benni that he’s okay with where he’s at in life, even if it ended up being different than imagined.

Benni clears his throat. “I’m very glad you work at a pool. If not, we probably wouldn’t have met.”

Mats’ beaming smile is all the response he needs.

They spend another maybe twenty minutes chatting like that. Mats is extremely pleasant to talk to, Benni finds, and his charm doesn’t dwindle past the first few lines like he’s so often found it the case with some guys, but he’s open, and interested, and attentive, and Benni realizes that he wouldn’t mind to have this kind of conversation, this type of attention every day – which, in itself, is a dangerous realization already, cause that, he wants to pinch himself, means they’re slowly but surely moving past first-sight crush territory.

– but somehow, he finds himself not minding. Because in the end, he manages to make Mats laugh several times, their conversation flows easily, and when their hands brush together, they both glance up and blush, quickly looking away again …

It’s only half an hour later, when Mats finally points out the time and the fact that he’s soon used up all his breaktime for the day, that Benni comes out of this blissful bubble, feeling like he just resurfaced to a world colder, less bright at the prospect of having to say goodbye. When he looks around, he finds Manu sitting by the side of the room next to the lanky lifeguard, and they seem to be engrossed in each other as well.

Benni looks at Mats, and Mats has raised his eyebrows, but doesn’t comment, so Benni bites his tongue, too. Instead, he first hesitates, but then still dares to reach out, brushing his fingers against Mats’ arm.

“Thank you,” he says, and means it. “It was great to talk to you.”

Mats’ smile is wistful, and his eyes are sparkling, in a way that makes Benni wish that he could just lean forward, fuck conventions and the fact that they’re in the middle of a public pool, and have their first kiss right then and there – cause Mats must want it too, right, judging by the way he tentatively reaches out, tangling their fingers together …

His hand is warm against Benni’s, skin completely dry against Benni’s that is still coated with some drops of water, and Mats brushes his thumb over the back of his hand.

“I hope we can do it again soon.” 

And then, he leans forward, placing a peck on Benni’s cheek before turning around, jogging away to where his boss is sending them dirty glances. Only when he comes to stand in front of him, he turns around, giving Benni a smile that’s even more blinding than the ones before.

“Please tell me he at least got his number,” Lisa says with an edge of desperation. She’s looking at Manu, who solemnly shakes his head. She groans. “Oh my god, have you always been this clueless, or have I just never bothered to look closely enough?”

Benni sighs, picking at the table cloth. On the table, there’s the remnants of what was an entire casserole of Manu’s homemade lasagna, as well as four empty cans of beer (one for Benni and Lisa each, two for Manu).

“Stop exaggerating, Li. But it’s just … this feels different, you know?”

Clearly, Lisa doesn’t, as the look she sends him is probably best described as a very fond you-gotta-be-kidding-me. Manu on the other hand, blushes and turns his head away. Benni raises his eyebrows.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Manu grumbles, clearly not fond of the sudden attention as Lisa whips her head around too, but his cheeks keep gaining colour, and it’s obvious that there’s something more going on there, too. But knowing that his best friend is as stubborn as a mule on a good day, Benni decides to let it slide for now.

“I think I’m afraid of rejection. I … I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be with someone as badly as I wanted to be with him. He makes me feel whole, like I’ve been somehow looking for him my entire life, and I just didn’t know it yet.”

For a second, he expects his best friends to make fun of him, but instead, they only just look at him, and Benni observes Lisa smiling, slowly, the blindingly wide.

“Oh my god. You’ve done it. You’re actually, properly, in love.” She leans over, kissing his head, and as her approval sinks in, a relief floods through Benni’s body that feels like liquid honey. She pulls away, sneaks a glance over at Manu, who’s grinning too, and takes Benni’s hand in hers.

“And I think Mats should know that.”

Benni looks at Manu. Manu nods, firmly, his lips set tight. 

“Go get him, tiger!”

And even if all three of them burst out laughing at the stale quip out of Manu’s – the most taciturn person Benni knows – mouth, it settles it.

The next time Benni goes to visit the pool, he will ask Mats out on a date.

Except, of course, life is always unexpected, and nothing ever goes as planned.

There’s a bounce in Benni’s step as he walks through the matte glass door separating the showers from the main pool, and as he walks down the stairs, spotting Mats’ dark mop of hair on the other side, talking to two older swimmers with a kind smile on his lips, making stroking motions with his arms, clearly trying to demonstrate something, he decides to not bother with trying to get his lengths in first – especially considering all the lanes seem to be clogged up with, as Mats once called it with a wink, human driftwood – and instead deposits his towel on one of the benches before taking a deep breath, making his way over to the object of his affection.

Mats doesn’t see him approaching, so Benni grins as he taps him onto the shoulder, and Mats whips around with a panicked expression that dissipates immediately when he finds Benni grinning at him, his face morphing into unmistakable glee instead.

“Hey, Benni,” he breathes, and goes in for a hug.

They’ve never hugged before, and he feels perfect, so so perfect in Benni’s arms. He’s taller than him by a good bit, almost as tall as Manu even (possibly more, depending on the state of his hair and how many inches it adds to his height), but yet it feels like Benni is holding him just as much as Mats is holding onto him, it’s not overbearing but soft, warm, and Benni finds that he likes the smell of Mats’ hair, and they separate way too soon for his liking. Mats’ wide grin makes up for that, though, and suddenly, fiercely, Benni knows that he’s made the right decision.

“Hey yourself,” he grins, and reaches for Mats’ hand. He doesn’t dare to go for the cheek kiss, but he can feel Mats curl his hand around his, and it makes his heart jump and his grin threaten to fall of his face. Mats is smiling, and they both don’t even pay attention to the two old ladies mustering them closely with fond looks in their eyes, and Benni clears his throat.

“I was wondering. I mean, I was wondering if maybe, you’d like to go out with me sometimes?”

It comes out in one breathless rush, and Mats at first is furrowing his eyebrows, trying to separate the words from each other, but then, slowly, he starts to beam.

“Oh my god. This is the best day ever. Do I even have to answer?!” Benni’s look must have been pleading, so he chuckles, leaning down, leaving another soft, warm kiss on Benni’s cheek. His beard scratches against Benni’s chin, and it tickles a little bit, and it feels amazing, and like the start of something brand new. “Of course I want to! I really, really like you Benni, in case my obvious mooning, as Mull calls it, wasn’t obvious enough.”

His smile is the most breathtaking thing Benni has ever seen, and really, in that moment, he stops caring. He rises on his tiptoes, ever so slightly, eyes fluttering shut, so close to pressing their lips together– but then he feels Mats pulling away, and his heart drops, but then he spots the gaggle of maybe 12 year-old boys on the side of the pool, pushing each other around, a full blown fight breaking out.

“Hey!!” Mats yells, running over to them, trying to pull the one almost throwing a punch back by his shoulder– and then, his right flip flop gets caught on the edge of the pool, flying off and falling into the water with a plop. The boys are still shoving at each other, and Benni can see Mats swaying dangerously, clearly out of balance–

He only hears the splash when he falls and his arm hits the water, and the cry of the man that was swimming past. He sees some blood stuck to the tiles, and one person floating unconscious in the water as Mats lies motionlessly on the edge, and people crying, and panicking, and two of Mats’ colleagues jumping after the guy in the pool immediately.

Benni feels himself go numb, and when some security arrive, guiding people away from where the lifeguards and a paramedic are hunched over Mats – Benni’s Mats – and the other man, he doesn’t even protest, seeing everything as if through a veil.

It’s only when he stands outside, not even knowing how or when he got himself dressed, or why his hair is already dry, and he sees an ambulance driving away with the sirens blaring, that he realizes.

Mats had an accident. A bad one. And Benni has no idea how he is, if he’s alright,

And the worst of all – he doesn’t even have his number, or his last name, or any way to find out.

The next few days pass like a blur, and Benni spends every free minute he has to look for information on Mats’ wellbeing. He’s been looking through all the newspapers, but apart from mentioning a nasty, albeit non-fatal accident at the local Düsseldorf pool that involved one lifeguard and a fifty year-old man that had both victims hospitalized but conscious again once they arrived there, he doesn’t find out anything – not even the names of the people involved are mentioned, and he runs his hand over his face again and again, Lisa standing behind him as she kneads his shoulder gently, wrapping him in a hug.

Both her and Manu had no idea how to react when he told them the news with a broken voice, and none of them really knew what to do. After an awkward silence, Manu had suggested going back to the pool, but Benni had violently shaken his head – Mats wouldn’t be there, and he won’t be able to get the images out of his head, the blood, that there is so much more of in his memory than there probably has been, Mats’ unconscious form and the other guy’s body floating in the water, the moment that was, that could have been what brought them together for good,

The moment that brought them apart.

_ God. _

When he stares into the mirror a week after the incident, he’s shocked by his own appearance. His skin is ghostly pale, there are dark circles underneath his eyes, and his hair looks limp and lifeless even when he’s washed it just a few hours ago.

He feels like he’s been drained of all energy, and he realizes that not only has he lost someone who meant so much to him, who could have meant _ everything _ to him, but that this has left him traumatized, and even lonelier than before. 

But yet he declines when Lisa offers him to come along for Maple’s walks, and instead takes the shortest possible route, finding no joy in walking down streets that seem so much greyer now; feels his heart ache when Manu tentatively mentions that there might be a guy he has a crush on, and that things are going well, only manages a small smile when after humming and hawing for a bit, Manu admits that it’s Mats’ colleague from the pool – “and I already asked him about Mats, Benni. But he doesn’t actually has his number, they’ve only worked together for just over a month when you first met him. I’m sorry, Bene.”

Benni shrugs. “It’s okay, it’s not his fault.”

Mull – Thomas – hadn’t even been working the day of the accident. Apparently, he hasn’t heard from Mats since. Benni agrees to meet him a week later, but opts out the night before, knowing he wouldn’t be able to look at the guy, not when he sees how happy Manu is, and how he knows he would only freeze when faced with someone who he ties to Mats and the pool so much.

Instead, he goes for a walk that night, Maple trippling in tiny steps ahead of him, her small little feet clacking on the empty sidewalk. 

Benni doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going, and only when he comes to a halt in front of a big, familiar building does he realize where his feet have carried him.

The pool looks pretty ugly from the outside, in the dark of the night. Big, blocky, only lit from the inside and two flickering lamps fixed to either side of the entrance door – nothing like the grandeur inside that has left him speechless the first time he entred it.

It’s still open, he realizes as two young women exit the building, arms linked, chatting animatedly, laughing–

Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s stepped into the entrance hall, and after hesitating only for a moment, he walks up to the ticket booth, almost relieved when he comes face to face with Mats’ boss. The man looks older, there are seemingly more wrinkles on his forehead, and Benni understands that he’s not the only one this incident must have worn down to the bone – he doesn’t even wanna imagine the fallout these people had to face. The guy looks at him questioningly, and only then does he realize that he must expect him to buy a ticket like everyone else, so Benni clears his throat.

“I’m sorry, I just have a question– about the lifeguard who had an accident.” The man frowns. Many people must ask him about this, Benni is sure, so he quickly goes on, “Mats. I. I’m his–” He cuts off. In reality, he’s not really Mats’ anything, and from the lack of realization in the guy’s eyes, Benni realizes he must not have noticed him. So instead, he decides to take another direction. “Does he still work here?”

The guy rubs his forehead, clearly surprised that Benni knows his name. Then he sighs. “No. He’s still injured, and even if he wasn’t … he called me and told me that he was quitting the day after – and I understand. Poor kid.”

Benni nods a half-nod. “Is he alright?”

He receives another sigh. “A broken arm, a concussion and possibly some PTSD. Luckily the customer only was left with a light concussion on his own, luckily he was pulled out of the water before anything could happen. And now I’m sorry, I can’t answer anymore questions about this. There are customers waiting.” Benni turns around. There is no one behind him.

“Could you give me his number? Or his address?”

The guy huffs. “No, I’m very sorry. I can’t hand out personal information of my employées, former or current. Data protection, you understand. Especially in a case like this, where the media would probably hound him if anything got out.”

Benni bites his lip. Suddenly, he feels ice-cold, barely able to move a finger.

“Thank you,” he presses out, and leaves the pool knowing exactly three things.

First, he will never return to this place any time soon. Second, and most importantly, Mats is alright. A bit broken, maybe, but he’s alive, he’s breathing, and he’s fine.

But thirdly, and that’s the one that hurts the most – Benni will probably never get to see him again.

It takes over a month for Benni to feel like his chest isn’t constricting him anymore.

Upon Lisa’s gentle repeated request, he goes to see a counsellor about the incident, and talking about it with a professional a few time helps, but even if it might get rid of most of the nightmare-ish images in his head, it doesn’t get rid of the way he misses Mats and the promise of what they could have been, doesn’t get rid of the fact that he has to bite back a sob when Manu formally introduces him to his new boyfriend, Thomas, who greets Benni with a firm handshake, a smile that’s not in the least as cheeky as Benni remembers but instead almost forced and a “I’m so sorry I can’t help, but I don’t know how to find him, either” – he’s happy to see it reappear when Thomas turns to look at Manu and they exchange a short kiss, but it hurts, it hurts so much to see what they have and what Benni never will, and he feels a sudden, hot surge of envy.

After a while, he gets used to them, though, and it disappears again, but he still feels hollow, unfinished, uncomplete.

Somehow, he manages to find his will to live again still, though, and his smile returns when his boss offers him to take over a small project all on his own. He closes his eyes and basks his face in the fresh winter sunlight when he goes on walks with Maple, and he finds himself laughing with Lisa in their kitchen again like they did so many times before he twisted his ankle.

And in the end, he even smiles when Manu nudges his side one afternoon when they’re having coffee, asking if he should organize him a ticket for the derby at the Veltins Arena the next weekend. They’ve never missed one before ever since the two of them started the tradition of going to watch them together back when they were teenagers who’d just found out they supported the same club, and his anticipation isn’t even dampened by the fact that Thomas, albeit protesting, is coming along.

It feels good, disappearing into a sea of blue that isn’t made out of water. It feels familiar in a whole other way, and as Benni wraps his scarf tighter around his neck, blowing in his hands and rubbing them together as they watch Schalke doing rather stellar against the daunting menace of their arch-rivals, glancing over to where Thomas has an arm wrapped around Manu’s waist as Benni’s best friend cheers at the top of his lungs, and he feels good.

Different, but good.

And when he climbs the steps up to buy them all some beer again during halftime break, he finally decides that he’s ready for the good things life has in store for him again–

But then he is standing in line, hands shoved into his pockets, smiling wistfully as he stares holes into the air, when there is a tap on his shoulder.

Benni turns around, eyebrow already raised– and is faced with a man wrapped in a black denim jacket, but one arm isn’t in the sleeve and instead is tied around his neck with a sling. There’s a big smile on his lips and his eyes are wide, disbelieving. There’s a yellow and black crest on his canary yellow jersey, and he looks so much like the first time that Benni has met him that it almost makes his breath stop.

“Mats,” he says, suddenly feeling breathless and teary eyed all at once and Mats nods, slowly, grin spreading wider and wider.

And then, there are lips on Benni’s cheeks again, lingering, and when he doesn’t protest, there’s a hand sliding into his, locking their fingers together.

Mats looks hesitant for a moment, eyes seeking Benni’s–

“Is this okay?”

Now it’s Benni’s time to nod, and Mats offers him a soft grin before pulling him close, ignoring any eyes that might have been fixed on them, and Benni closes his eyes, and finally, finally leans in.

Mats’ lips are soft, a bit cracked because of the cold, a bit sticky because of the chapstick he probably uses, and he tastes like mint chewing gum– and it’s absolutely perfect. 

Benni has never believed in the fireworks, but even if it might just be the fans down in the stands starting yet another chant, now he can feel them, hear them as he reaches up and puts a gentle hand on Mats’ cheek and another on his waist, careful to avoid touching his broken arm, as they kiss and get lost in each other until the person behind them clears their throat and they break apart exchanging a shy smile,

And even if they’re both a bit more broken, a bit more frayed–

In the end, they’re two pieces that belong together, glued to each other by the golden bond of their hearts. And now, Benni knows when he orders four, instead of three beers with Mats by his side, he will not allow them to be separated again.

He repeats those words to Mats as they make their way back to the stands, Benni dragging Mats along back to the Schalke sector, refusing them to be separated even when the people send them dirty glares, and Mats’ laugh sounds exactly like having him close again feels – perfect, comforting,

And most of all, it feels like the promise of a home.

**Author's Note:**

> I write FICTION about real people. None of this is intended to harm them or their reputation in any way. Please leave kudos and maybe a comment if you liked it! | [tumblr](http://manuelmueller.tumblr.com/)


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